


Dysmorphia

by Shaw



Series: Surviving Your Coworkers: A Cohesive Guide to Working in Blackwatch [5]
Category: Blackwatch - Fandom, Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Genji isn't much for talking, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 16:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14549115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaw/pseuds/Shaw
Summary: If Genji could do things involuntarily anymore he would have scoffed with disbelief. Smile? What use did he have for such things.





	Dysmorphia

People had been bustling in and out of the private sector of the med bay meant for the high priority cases almost all day. Which would usually be alarming, but had since ceased to be the day Genji Shimada had been brought in. For now, the place was at least quiet. After having to endure having his midsection pried open and his pseudo-organs played with until the doctors and technicians were satisfied and sitting through a perhaps even more invasive procedure of having a tongue reinstalled back into his mouth… Genji was grateful for it. He was not normally grateful to be alone with his own thoughts but for now he could not be more appreciative. 

 

He sat on his assigned cot for some time. His eyes were closed, as they usually were, and on the back of his eyelids some scrolled red text thanks to his latest upgrade. An HUD component meant to give him feedback and reports on the functions of his body and the environment around him. Genji had yet to figure out how to turn it off short of plucking his own eyes out of his face and he doubted dear Doctor Ziegler would appreciate it. 

 

The sound of the med bay door opening made Genji tense and he opened his eyes. Had the doctors already returned to harass him further? To steal more of what little human self he had left to clutch to? He got his answer when a curtain was pulled back and Moira’s assistant entered. 

 

“Good evening, Agent 394549.” Baraka greeted, his own removable HUD sitting in one of his glasses lenses. Genji felt a sharp pang of resentment for it. That and how the man never addressed him in anyway outside of professionalism. Not that he really wanted him to greet him with his name. Genji pushed all his thoughts away, already irritated by their dissonance. 

 

“I had heard from Doctor O’Deorain that you have had a very eventful day!.... Also, I am here to make sure you have not chewed out your tongue. My apologies, since I am sure you are very tired of having people poke and prod you.” Baraka advanced on Genji slowly, halting momentarily for a reason that was not immediately clear to Genji. 

 

“I have not chewed it out. You may leave.” Although Angela’s initial intentions of finally putting a tongue back in Genji’s mouth was to allow him to speak traditionally again, Genji was scared to even attempt it. He had already grown used to his new method of speak; that alone was upsetting to him. 

 

“I believe you, but Doctor Ziegler will have my hide if I do not actually check. Do not worry, I will not touch you too much. You only need to open your mouth for me.” Baraka stooped slightly in front of Genji’s cot, dark eyes examining the exterior of Genji’s mouth. They had yet to replace any flesh so it still appeared that Genji had exposed skeletal structure. With a great effort that took a lot of conscious thought on his behalf, Genji’s mouth slowly opened. 

 

“Ah, there we are...” Genji let himself wonder why Baraka was acting so unusually chatty. His experience with the man was limited usually to Moira ordering him around or passing by the man in the hallways as he was being escorted back to his room in the medbay. 

 

“Do you feel any particular discomfort with it? Can you control it properly? Have you been feeling much resistance in the hinges of your jaw-- I noticed you could not seem to open it at first.” The questions were fired off rapidly as Baraka ghosted a hand over the metal of Genji’s jaw. He could not actually feel the touch, or perhaps lack thereof, but he knew it was supposed to be there. He closed his mouth and the action produced a loud snapping noise. Baraka frowned. 

 

“Be careful, please. If you do not control the force with which you do that you may shatter your organic teeth.” 

 

“Nothing that the doctor cannot fix.” Genji replied bitterly. A look of genuine sadness passed over Baraka’s face as he adjusted his glasses and turned off his HUD. Genji looked elsewhere only to see one of his former prosthetics laying discarded. His non-existent stomach churned. He had no choice but to look back to Baraka, though he kept his gaze level with the man’s chest. 

 

“3945, it is not wise to cause unnecessary damage to yourself… Especially the parts of you that are still organic.” Bitterness rose in Genji’s throat, and the taste of it was familiar enough that he didn’t need to pretend that his synthetic tongue was actually working. He said nothing. 

 

“I…” A moment of silence lapses as Baraka paused. “I have suggested a new feature for you to Doctor Ziegler.” Genji slowly looked up. Baraka’s face was back to its usual seriousness but something else sat in the depths of his gaze. Genji tried to tell himself it was pity, but he knew better. 

 

“... What.” He picked up quickly on the fact Baraka was not going to simply tell him if he stared at him. The man licked his lips and wrung his hands together before tapping his cheek. They stared at one another for some time and Genji wondered if the confusion was even evident on his face. Baraka gave a soft ‘ah’ and laughed at himself in defeat. 

 

“I have… asked her to go forth with the soft tissue reconstruction of your face. It is a daunting task but I told her that I myself would sacrifice time to help make it a reality. So you may smile again.” If Genji could do things involuntarily anymore he would have scoffed with disbelief. Smile? What use did he have for such things. The hard look must have tipped Baraka off. 

 

“Or frown! I just… which is ever is more useful to you…” For a very long time they stared at one another in silence. A steady, suffocating silence. Genji was unsure if he should be furious that a stranger should say he needed such a frivolous feature or grateful that someone was considering he would like the rest of his face back. He stayed caught in the middle of his conflicting emotions on the subject. 

 

“This has not been easy for you,” Baraka started, obviously unsure of himself. “That would be obvious to any person with a set of eyes. I would not pretend to understand the depth of your pain. It is unfair to you, to not try and ease your dysmorphia. But, G… Genji.” At the sound of his name coming from Baraka’s mouth, the man in question hastily raised his gaze to make eye contact. Baraka blinked. 

 

“If you ever have any requests, please. Just let us known. Doctor Ziegler is held to a contractual agreement to turn your body into a weapon, but such contract does not bind the whole team. She did not lie to you when she said we are here to help you. All of us.” A deep, seething feeling had settled into Genji’s chest. He was not entirely sure if he still had a heart, but if he did, it hurt. It hurt in a way Genji was not entirely sure how to deal with as he stared at Baraka blankly. Why was such sentiment making him feel this way now? Maybe it was the lack of doubt in Baraka’s voice, the sure way his mouth set. 

 

Whatever it was, Genji wanted to push it away.

 

“Understood.” He finally spoke. He lowered his head, closing his eyes once more, and tried to ignore the urge to scream and perhaps more frightening-- the urge to cry. Baraka seemed to shuffle in place for a while before the sound of shoes retreating notified Genji of his departure. Suddenly, being alone did not feel so pleasant.

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to MCR the whole duration of writing this, which is totally unsurprising and honestly what else would I listen to? Anyways, as always kudos appreciated, comments adored. Don't forget to read the other works in the series! Happy reading and addio


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